I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
