Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
