Girls should come with a carfax report
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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