Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
