not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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