Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
