i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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