her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My dad is sitting where you rode me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
