as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
