I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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