You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
