I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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