Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
