I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize