i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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