i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
