You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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