like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
