Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
