It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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