is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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