Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize