i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
