soooo we both peed the bed last night...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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