I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
