Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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