Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
