He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize