Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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