Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
