The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
