dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
