I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize