Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
