i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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