He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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