Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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