my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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