I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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