So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
