Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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