just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
