I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize