I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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