Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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