I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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