I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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