woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
