Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
