you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
