Fuck appropriateness.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
