if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
50% drunk capacity currently
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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