If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
