woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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