In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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