her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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