Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
