i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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