I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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