How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
