Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have already put on my inside pants.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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