all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he thought i was a dude.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
