the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
