Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
