and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
