...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
