lets start a swedish sibling band together
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
