Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
